I feel like I am on a roll this week — if you missed my last post on living in the moment you can check it out here. I don’t know if this is some kind of weird stages of grief I am going through for a baby I didn’t know (but realize that it could have been my own). I am so fed up with mean judge-y bully moms who are constantly fighting mommy wars. It is a side of motherhood that I absolutely hate and don’t understand. Don’t worry, I will have more of my normal stuff next week including a post on how to get a passport for your baby and a giveaway from Nuby. But this week has been tough and I am just over it.
By now you have probably heard about Sloan DeRosier. Sloan was seven months old when he tragically passed away after his head was stuck in a blanket after he pulled it through the rails of his crib. A woman’s baby died this week. Died. I can’t even image what this poor mama’s heart is going through. It hurts my heart and I didn’t even know him.
The day after the tragic and horrible incident this mom was forced to “tell the truth” about what happened after rude judge-y moms thought it was appropriate to politicize it and make horrible and insensitive comments speculating why baby Sloan passed. If anyone had anything but love and/or prayers to say to this mom shame on them. No mom should ever have to go through the loss of a child but then to have to deal with other moms judging them is totally unacceptable.
Vaccines. That is what the judge-y moms blamed the death on. Publicly, on her Instagram account. There was no indication whether this baby was vaccinated or not. But it doesn’t actually matter. I vaccinate my son. I believe it is what is best for him and others around him; however, I would never attack another mother who I did not know or know the full circumstances for why she chooses not vaccinate — and I most certainly would not say anything to a mom who just lost a child even if it was the cause.
Unfortunately, these mommy wars don’t end with vaccines. There is a myriad of other topics that bring out the worst judge-y moms.
- Bottle feeding vs. breastfeeding.
- Sleep training vs. co-sleeping
- Scheduled baby vs. attachment parenting
- Vaginal delivery vs. C-section (why this is a thing I really don’t understand most women don’t actually have a choice here!)
- Screen time
Just to new a few — I have encountered all of these and it blows my mind. As moms I assume that we are all doing what we believe is best for our children and you know what? Regardless of whether you breast or bottle feed (or both because that’s an option too) your child will grow up just fine. We all parent differently for many different reasons and that should be ok.
All I have to say to these judge-y moms is take a minute and think about what you are doing the next time you want to insert your uneducated opinion on a person’s social media page. How would you feel if the situation was reversed and you, god-forbid, lost your child and had insensitive people turning your pain into some political mommy-war? Or, how will you feel when your child is the mean girl in high school because she learned from you how to treat other people. Keep your opinions to yourself. They aren’t helping anyone.
On the flip side of all of this, in this last week I have also seen how amazing mamas can be when they come together and support each other. If you were on Instagram last night you probably saw the beautiful dragonfly image that over 3,100 accounts posted at 9:00pmEDT in memory of baby Sloan. You have most likely seen the story because of the number of moms that are spreading the message about Sloan’s story. Moms are removing blankets from their babies beds (including me) because of mamas sharing Sloan’s story. The small shop community in particular has raised a ton of money in support of the DeRosier family so that they can attempt to get back on their feet in this horrible time. We should all be those mamas. Ones that come together and support and love each other because at the end of the day we all want the same thing — happy and healthy kids and we can do a lot more when we come together than when we tear each other apart.
This post is dedicated to Sloan Valor DeRosier who I believe in his way too short life has made more of a difference than many of us will make in our whole lives.
To help support Sloan’s family, donate directly to this YouCaring page.